Dire Shenanigans (The Making of a Man Series, Book 2) Read online

  In most other aspects the city was unchanged - the streets were full of drunken soldiers, of speculative businessmen and certainly the greatest number of whores he had ever seen. London and Liverpool were convents, havens of virtue, by comparison with Washington. Women - and girls - of every age and most colours, all distinguished by a flamboyant looseness of attire that made their calling unmistakable, and infesting every sidewalk and clustering outside hotels and bars and houses of an indeterminate nature - it was almost repulsive, and Dick thought he was no Puritan.

  'Wartime', he supposed and not to be judged by the standards of peace. Then he saw a pair of barely grown boys of obvious profession and decided that wartime was no excuse at all for public depravity; certain activities should not, he decided, be advertised.

  He made his way to the office of Parsons and Burke and found Mr Larson in sole possession, and seeming little pleased to see him.

  "Miss Parsons is in Pittsburgh, sir, where the firm has taken an investment in a firm producing steel in the new manner."

  Dick was not sure that he knew the old manner of production even; he begged enlightenment; Larson was very pleased to parade his knowledge.

  "’Mild’ steel, which can be produced as plate or in rails; far tougher than wrought iron and costing no more. Ironclads, you tell me - ships made of steel rather than wood. Cannon of a size hitherto unknown. Boilers which can take far higher pressures. A new and revolutionary set of changes that will turn the whole world of industry upside-down."

  "I believe ships will be possible of far greater size, sir. Almost no vessels are to be found able to carry more than three thousand tons at the moment, sir. There will be ten thousand tonners within the decade, sir."

  Any intelligent Englishman must be horrified by this news - the new Empire depended on the Royal Navy, could be argued to have been created by those fleets of wooden-walls. Huge ships of steel, impregnable to ordinary great guns, spelt the end of the Navy as presently constituted.

  "Ironclad steamships on the Mississippi, you say?"

  "Both North and South possess them, sir."

  That was in many ways even worse news - if the aristocratic monkeys of the Confederacy could cobble ironclads together then any of the civilised nations of the world could do at least as well; probably far better, he thought.

  "I am under an obligation to travel inland to the river ports, Mr Larson. I beg that you will enclose a note to Miss Parsons to inform her of my presence in the States and to apologise that I cannot possibly make my way to Pittsburgh in the immediate future. I shall write her a letter just as soon as I know precisely what I am to do."

  Larson promised that he would, and immediately decided not to - there was a chance that Major Burke would disappear as abruptly as he had come upon the scene again. The Englishman was no more than a nuisance and they would do better without him.

  Dick made his way to the British Embassy.

  There was a new military attaché and he was aware of Dick's existence and took great pains to greet him as an innocent visitor come to see the lions, ushering him into his office while talking loudly of mutual London acquaintance.

  "Major Lord Robert Kuyper, Mr Burke - Guards, of course, haw-haw!"

  "You have been informed of my business by Whitehall, I presume, Major?"

  "Briefly, yes, Mr Burke - you are to make an assessment of General Grant. I understand you already know General McClellan."

  The affected mannerisms of the Guards officer had been discarded in the privacy of his office. He sounded rather like an intelligent gentleman, which explained why he had been given a diplomatic posting; it was probable that he would never return to a mess of the Brigade of Guards - he would stand out as not the right sort.

  "Can you tell me anything about Grant?"

  "Able; less intelligent than McClellan but far more sound; not a brilliant soldier but resolute. Most importantly, he will plan to attack his enemy and destroy his army, normally by the simplest route he can discover."

  "Knowing that about him, sir, what is for me to do?"

  "Very little, Mr Burke. Possibly you are to investigate the rumours of drunkenness and of a streak of black insanity in the poor chap - though I see small need. Observers who I trust tell me that he cannot drink alcohol, as simple as that. If he once takes a single drink then he must continue till he collapses. He knows this and believes it is a sign of the Devil in him - which must be a depressing feeling! He avoids the bottle with almost total success, poor chap! But he has a degree of self-contempt for the sin that is inherent in him - not a thing that I can quite comprehend, but these Americans, you know, have some very strange religious ways!"

  "I presume you have made your conclusions available in Whitehall, sir?"

  "Of course, Mr Burke, but I am regarded with less than total respect there, I fear. The same words coming from you will be accepted more easily."

  That did not make sense to Dick - he did not recognise the man but he carried a courtesy title, was a younger son of a duke or marquis or possibly an earl, far superior to any mere merchant's son. How could he not be more acceptable?

  Major Lord Robert Kuyper took pity on the poor young fellow - he was obviously not one of those who would know what was what in London society.

  "I fear me that I am of a rather scandalous nature, Mr Burke, having been seen in the company of an Indian lady of dubious reputation. She fled the sub-continent during the most unfortunate Mutiny, bringing large amounts of gold and jewellery as well as her voluptuous person - very shocking you appreciate that any female should be possessed of such independence, let alone being of a rather black persuasion. I was sent here, while she has been persuaded that she would be more comfortable in Paris - a far more suitable location!"

  Dick was unsure what, if anything, he was to say - my lord did not seem to be heart-broken, and was not apparently of a reticent nature and likely to disguise his emotions.

  "I shall be forgiven in a year or two, and my indiscretion will be almost forgotten, although I will be well advised not to expect command when purchase ends. I shall not seek a career as a general, sir."

  "Nor I. Have you anything to tell me of ironclads, sir?"

  "Less than I would like to know, I assure you, Mr Burke. You have obviously been told of the business at Hampton Roads between ‘Merrimack’ and Monitor - the two ironclads unable to destroy each other but death to any wooden ship. The story is not quite the same on the Mississippi, because they have 'rams' there which can do damage to armoured ships. They have reverted to Classical practice, behaving as the galleys might have done."

  "Ah! That sort of 'ram', sir. I had visions for a moment of enraged sheep and was more than a little puzzled - though accepting that anything is possible in America! Of course, steam power conveys independence of wind, current and tide, and probably grants a far greater speed than the old oared galleys could achieve. I presume that the ram opens up the unfortunate enemy and thus allows the cannon to commit slaughter."

  "Musketeers as well, Mr Burke. The long rifle allows for snipers to attack the helmsman even in his armoured wheelhouse, firing at the small slots he peers through, or so they tell me."

  "Much as Nelson fell at Trafalgar, sir. I feel that I would be better occupied observing the warfare on the river rather than sitting in General Grant's sober headquarters. Do you agree, sir? I am tasked as well to observe the breech-loading rifle in action, if I can. I shall take my own Sharps with me and will thus be able to give a very precise set of comments on its performance."

  "A report first, in your hand, on General Grant, if you would be so good, Mr Burke. Do not date it - I will forward it in six weeks or so, reasonable time for you to have taken the cars to the west and have observed him for three or four weeks. I believe Mr Lincoln has it in mind to promote him to command of the whole of the Union armies, just as soon as he has registered another success and Little Mac has produced another failure in the field, which he inevitably will."

  "I feel
I must actually meet General Grant at an early stage, so that others may notice my presence at his headquarters, even if only for a few days."

  It was agreed that he must do so and Lord Robert produced a small bag of gold coins and a larger but less valuable wad of paper dollars from a locked drawer.

  "I am instructed to defray your expenses, Mr Burke, on a generous scale. It is suggested strongly that you should not be seen in Washington - General McClellan might well have questions to ask. He has supporters in London - only a few but not without influence - and might create a little awkwardness there. There is also the matter of your military rank, Major Burke - some might argue that when in America you are a soldier, like it or not, and must obey orders. You are not wholly unknown, of course, and your presence might be observed."

  That was a point that had occurred to Dick and he had no wish to be taken up as a deserter and brought before an unsympathetic court-martial.

  "Luckily, His Excellency - the Ambassador, that is - has a good relationship with Mr Lincoln and has mentioned the desire of Lord Palmerston that you should be able to travel freely in the North. To that end you have been appointed to the Inspector-General's Department and are at liberty to wander the western areas of combat in pursuit of certain corrupt suppliers of provisions to the Army; none will find that an unreasonable excuse for your appearance in any camp or base. As you are known as a gunfighter it will be no surprise that you are in pursuit of evil-doers - it will indeed be just what is expected of you, according to the newspapers. You will wear your Colt, of course."

  "I have not touched it in almost a year. I must take a little time to practice, I think."

  "Wilmington, Carolina, was it not?"

  "Is that generally known, sir?"

  "Word spread in the South first - it became known as a certain fact that you had made your way there for the specific purpose of discovering and removing a nasty gentleman who had escaped justice, possibly in the North but most probably in London. The Confederate authorities – if such they may be called – discovered no objection at all to such behaviour, were heard in fact to say that it was only right that the English should tidy up their own mess. Of course, the rumour reached Washington and was instantly accepted here - they firmly believe that the English employ spies and agents by the hundred and that their arm is long and implacable. It will do you no harm at all."

  Dick thought that to be a tidy solution to any problems he might discover. He would have liked to have made contact with the Prince again, but accepted that he was better out of Washington.

  “The riverboat yards at Carondelet, near St Louis in Missouri, should be your first point of call, Mr Burke, there to observe the processes of construction and repair of the river ironclads. The original ‘turtles’ were built there and I believe that more advanced examples are now on the slips. I think as well that you would find it possible to examine the cannon at that point, somewhat removed from the field of battle. They include eight inch smooth bores and, interestingly, forty-two or -three pound rifled great guns, firing shell rather than ball, it seems. The rifled guns have been seen in action to do some damage to forts and batteries; it is suspected that they would very rapidly destroy any wooden ship. It would be interesting to discover just what degree of armour might be needed to withstand their impact.”

  “I will inform you of all I see, sir. I would expect to make my way down the River to the scene of action after that, to discover General Grant’s headquarters.”

  “At or near Vicksburg, one would expect, sir. It is proving a difficult conquest but it is necessary to take it to clear the river. There will be lesser campaigns on the Red River which will probably not attract Grant’s personal attention, but he must have Vicksburg.”

  A last thought occurred to Dick as he made his farewells.

  “What am I to do, my lord, if I actually discover corrupt commissaries profiteering from the men’s rations?”

  “There are three possibilities that I am aware of, Mr Burke. First is to turn the blind eye, as is normal practice; second to accept their bribes; third is to shoot them. It will be a waste of time to attempt to make arrests and bring them before the courts – they will be able to buy any judge and will receive instant acquittal and probably a writ against you for false imprisonment; you will also receive unwelcome political attention.”

  “Politics in the States is interestingly overt in its ways, sir. I find I prefer the English habit of hypocrisy in corruption – we can at least to pretend to some degree of virtue! Am I likely to be known, to attract attention from the criminal elements?”

  Kuyper nodded – it was almost a certainty that he would be identified as one of the Inspector-General’s people.

  “They will also expect you, personally, to be more inclined to shoot them than make an arrest, I fear. Do be careful, Mr Burke, and take some pains to watch your back!”

  Dick made his way from the embassy to his hotel where he arranged for a cab to take him to the railroad station. He told the desk clerk that he was to go to New York and enquired times of him. At the station itself he discovered the destination of the first train out and bought a ticket to Chicago using it. He decided he would repeat his first journey west, buying horses in the Windy City and seeming to take to the trails where he would be far less visible.

  Horses were still available at a better price in Chicago and with a far greater degree of choice than in the western towns. Dick bought two riding horses and two pack-ponies, having decided to travel in greater comfort this time around. He went from the stables to the gunsmith he had patronised before to buy powder, caps and ball and made cartridges for the Sharps. He noticed a far greater range of revolvers on display, including a number using metallic cartridges.

  “Colts still are cap-and-ball, sir, but the war has led to an expansion of manufacturers, almost all of whom have purchased rights to use the existing patents. Smith and Wesson and Remington particularly have increased their range, sir.”

  There was a selection of thirty-six, thirty-eight and forty-four calibre revolvers as well as some imported weapons of less usual bore.

  “Italian and Belgian especially, sir, from minor manufacturers who nevertheless work to a high standard. Fifty-six calibre, sir, seems to be popular in Italy, while the Belgians have this five-shot piece of no less than seventy-five – three-quarters of an inch!”

  “Have you fired it, sir?”

  The gunsmith shook his head and laughed.

  “Not me, sir. Kick like a mule, I should reckon, and how you would hit your man I can’t guess!”

  Dick hefted the revolver, gripping it in both hands as he tried to hold it level.

  “It must weigh twenty pounds, man!”

  “About that, sir. I reckon you’d need to tame a gorilla to handle this – no human being’s going to manage it!”

  The thirty-six calibre Remington was far lighter and very tempting.

  “Brass shells, I see. Are they easily obtained in the Western towns?”

  “No, sir. In fact, I doubt you could lay hands on them at all – you would have to reload them yourself, sir, and that can be a fiddly job. I do not recommend them yet to any man heading westwards.”

  “A pity. Two hundred of caps, if you would be so good, sir, and gunpowder made up in oilskin packages and ball as well for both Walker and Navy Colt. It is a fortunate thing that I decided to buy a pair of packhorses!”

  A modicum of foodstuffs and he was ready for the trail, announcing the fact very publicly in his hotel. He then made his way to the railroad and loaded his horses into a freight car before riding the rails to St Louis. Had any enthusiast followed him from Washington then he should enjoy a very healthy outdoor excursion for a few days.

  Disembarking in St Louis he rode the short distance to Carondelet, once a small township but now almost wholly an industrial suburb of the city. The air was dirty, full of smoke and grit and smelling of sulphur. He spotted a smelter, lead he suspected; at least one iron foundry; va
rious chemical works, fertilisers he presumed; finally and not least, the shipyard.

  There were signs which showed hurried expansion – wooden shacks for stores and workshops placed at random as had been convenient on a given day and new, and poorly made, muddy tracks winding through the town and onto the various sites.

  Coming to the yard he could see the tall smokestacks of at least six river gunboats, four of them at an angle suggesting they were still on the slips, two fitting out or repairing at wharfside.

  He made his way to the gate, stopping by a ramshackle guardhouse; a man, uniformed probably, and carrying a shotgun stepped in front of him.

  The sentry was dirty and round-shouldered, his eyes carrying not the least glint of intelligence. His more-or-less blue uniform seemed slept in; presumably he lived in the guardhouse, low paid and incapable of very much more.

  “My name is Major Burke, of the Inspector-General’s staff, from Washington. I am here on duty. I wish to see a senior manager, or one of your officers.”

  “Ain’t got no officers.”

  “A manager, then.”

  “Don’t know none of they.”

  “Who is your boss?”

  “Mr Jack.”

  “Where is Mr Jack?”

  The sentry waved a hand vaguely towards the one hundred acre site and sixty or more buildings.

  “Inside.”

  “I want to go inside to find him.”

  “Can’t.”

  “I must go inside.”

  “Can’t. Only wagons what got deliveries. And men what works ‘ere.”

  “What about visitors?”

  “Don’t got none of they.”

  The sentry showed signs of thought, of an incipient stroke of genius.

  “Comes by boat, they do.”

  There was the rattle of a wagon behind him and a six-horse team came slowly along the collapsing dirt road, a heavy canvas covered dray behind. The teamster pulled up, shifted a short pipe, looked slowly at the scene.